Emasculating Mr. Right

We've all asked the question "where have all the good men gone?" and sadly I know the answer. We killed them. In our demands to be listened to, understood and treated equally we we took away everything that makes men, well, Manly.

As little girls we read beautiful fairy tales that inevitably ended with the Prince saving the Princess and living together happily ever after. We then move on to romance novels filled with knights in shining armor and bad boys gone good. We dream of big weddings and houses with pickets fences, wrapped at night in the arms a big strong man. Then we grew up and took that mans balls away. Yet we continue to complain that we can't find Mr.Right.

We've demanded equality between the sexes, we want our men to listen, be attentive, understand us and even worse, empathize with us. We want our men to be evolved. We said it isn't okay to treat us like women anymore. Don't open car doors, don't tell us we're pretty, don't pull out our chairs. We actually convinced them we wanted to be treated like men. At the same time we browbeat them into becoming these sensitive pasteurized versions of their former masculine selves. Forget Yes Men, we turned them into Yes Dears. The thing is, it backfired. We got what we wanted, men who are caring, empathetic and considerate of our feelings. Little Stepford men. Now that we have them, we don't respect them. Not one single bit.

Why do you think romance novels are so popular? They all have the same formula, boy meets girl, boy is dashing and sweeps girl off her feet. The end. Is the leading man ever a weakling or a yes dear? Nope. That book wouldn't sell. The leading man is always a manly man, strong, debonair, macho and very masculine. He doesn't put up with the heroines crap. He goes after what he wants, gender sensitivity classes be damned, and he gets the girl.

Deep down that's what women are looking for. We want a Man. A man to take control, sweep us off our feet and make us feel like feminine, beautiful, cherished women. We don't respect a man we can walk all over. We want to be challenged, we want passion and sparks and fire. We do not want a man mopping our kitchen floors. We may think we do, but honestly...how sexy is a man that you can push around?

Men are very simple creatures. We're trying to turn them into complicated male versions of ourselves with all the depth and complexities. It's not going to happen. Men want food, shelter, sex and praise. That's it. Nothing more, nothing less.

Before men came to us, they were with their mothers. Mom praised him, made him feel like a big boy and rewarded him with hugs and kisses. Mom thought he was the smartest fastest strongest boy ever! He did anything he could to please her because she made him feel good about himself. Fast forward to his relationships with women. Jane wants Bob to get a better job. Jane tells Bob he isn't pulling his weight, he better get his act together, she berates him, demeans him and in effect, takes away his masculinity, which also takes away any desire to please her. In scenario two Jane wants Bob to get a better job so she tells him he is the smartest fastest strongest man ever! Bob, beating his chest, goes out and gets better job, because he wants to please Jane. When your mother said you'd catch more flies with sugar than vinegar, she knew what she was talking about.

Men are Men and Women are Women, Thank the Heavens. That's the way it's supposed to be. From the first hunters men have been responsible for providing for his woman, rewarded and praised for bringing home the bacon. Woman stayed around the fire, raised the children and communicated with each other. Men hunted together in silence. We, as women, developed communication skills from the very beginning. Men did not. They learned to express themselves with actions instead. Can you imagine a group of yappy cave-women trying to track a bear? Silence was a necessity for men. It was bred into them. Why do we act so surprised when they don't verbalize the same way women do? Men are raised to keep their emotions in check, shake it off, hang tough. Playing football and your leg gets ripped off? Grunting is acceptable, crying is not. Once again, why do we act shocked that men are less emotional than we are?

Instead of complaining about how men aren't like us, why aren't we embracing the differences? I for one am very very thankful for a man willing to pump my gas, clean my gutters, mow my lawn or kill anything with more than 4 legs. I don't want a man to know what color nail polish I prefer, or understand why I have 14 pairs of black shoes. I want a man that simply says You look nice tonight.

Women are soft and pretty and smell good, men are big and strong and normally smell not so great. Men hunt, women nurture. Women empathize and men fix things. Men are rough and women are gentle Like Ying and Yang, like 2 halves of a whole, men and women complete each other. Until we accept our differences and start to appreciate how important they are, talk shows will continue to be filled with unhappy women, men will continue to have that "huh, what did I do?" look on their faces, and we'll all keep walking around trying to rip the balls off Mr.Right.